You know, feedback is a gift - treat it like one!
Me: Give me the receipt then. I want to return it.
Secret Santa is a gift exchange tradition where people anonymously exchange gifts. It was started by a philanthropist named Larry Dean Stewart and has since evolved into a popular holiday custom celebrated in workplaces, clubs, and online platforms. The core concept remains the same, but modern variations include budget limits, revealing oneself during the gift exchange, and smaller gifts leading up to a main gift. Secret Santa's evolution over time has turned it into a beloved tradition that unites people in a spirit of generosity and merriment.
You know how this part goes if you've been a willing or unwilling Secret Santa. You do your best to get something the person will like. But with a limited working knowledge of what those things might be, you fall into tropes. And suppose you've ever been on the receiving end of Secret Santa. In that case, you know what it's like to have someone hand you a package with your name on it, only to open it and find yourself reduced to a hallmark trope. A pair of slippers. A razor. A mug. It's not necessarily offensive. But not particularly thoughtful, either.
I started working on this article in December last year, so this is why it has some winter remarks. Funny enough, outside still feels like winter, even though it is March.
On another note, you will read some rows about feedback, managers, and untrained management. I wanted to emphasize that I am part of that cohort. I made and still make these mistakes, but to improve, I’m starting with the first step: diagnosis. I’ve created and received crappy feedback, so let’s see if we can do something with it.
Not all feedback is a gift.
That sad and not particularly thoughtful gift with your name on it? Many people experience performance reviews that way. What do you do if your manager hands you lousy feedback in your review? And, to be clear, lousy as in lousy. It is not lousy as it is in thoughtful, well-constructed, constructive feedback. Lousy, as in
I’d love to see you smile more.
Lousy, as in
You're not ready for that promotion, but keep doing what you're doing.
Lousy, as in
What is this gift that I am stuck here holding, and does the person who handed it to me expect me to say thank you?
But there is this adage of “Feedback Is A Gift.” You are expected to greet this crappy feedback with curiosity and gratitude. All feedback is an opportunity to learn and improve. And if the person responsible for your growth and development is trying to tell you something about how it's going, your job is to show up open and receptive. This assumes many things regarding the person giving the feedback. Like no malicious intent, no unsolicited feedback, and qualified sources, to name a few, although many more exist.
