The Joy of Missing Out

So many things to do

I am lucky to live in a city that is always active. If you search a bit, you can discover something to do each day: exhibitions, concerts, meetups, celebrations, and so on. On top of that, I tend to use the internet quite a lot of my time. Livestreams, videos on demand, the next get-rich-soon scam—so many things. I always have stuff in my antilibrary, in my to-watch and to-listen lists. I grew a network of acquaintances and friends, and it's tough to say that I cannot find something to do.

Having all these options and activities to use my time with is exciting but can also be tricky. What if I'm missing some other great things? The cost of an opportunity to do an activity means saying no to all other known and unknown activities.

So, imagine this: You receive a dinner invitation, and your old friends are in town, wanting to meet today. But you've got a looming deadline at work, an important customer call, or your child's soccer practice that you promised to attend.

And you won't join the dinner—plans have already been made. A bit later, you can't help but wonder: What am I missing? What's going on at the dinner? Are they having lots of fun without me? Are they going to bond over conversations I'm not able to join? Should I have gone there?

Introducing FoMO since 2004

It's not new, but it has quite an interesting definition: FoMO is a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent. It is characterized by the desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing.

Nowadays, it's effortless to connect with people and share our lows and heights. It's also easy to monetize all this content, depending on what currency we need (for some, there are dollars, for other likes, for some number of followers, and so on). It's correct to assume that the more connected you are to others, the more you will receive this content.

I always thought of this as giving other people power over me – delegating my happiness to them (of course, without them knowing or caring about the matter). Eudaimonia is hard to achieve, and if I can see a picture that others have, then I should follow them to reach it." I was preventing myself from doing things that I enjoyed because what I was following didn't recommend it. I also did things I saw no value in, "trusting the process" to become better. In the end, it was my life I was missing out.

But it can have a different form.

I enjoy documenting and investigating quite extensively before making a decision. I'm usually one who has read the manual of a device I own; I typically don't say YES when time pressures are added. So yeah – the goal is to make informed decisions.

So, let me share the Fear of a Better Option (FoBO) with you. Learning to choose is hard. Choosing well is more demanding, and it is even harder to choose well in a world of unlimited possibilities. FoBO is an anxiety-driven urge to hold out for something better based on the perception that a more favorable alternative or choice might exist. I like this definition better: A compulsion to preserve option value that delays decision-making or postpones it indefinitely.

This was challenging because I tend to procrastinate due to my tendency to seek perfection. Some of the patterns I was experiencing:

• Excessive research leading to procrastination

FoBO territory is when I decide much later than initially planned or start feeling stressed about the process because I should be allocating my efforts to something else.

• Frequent regrets about past decisions

Looking back, I think that maybe I should have chosen a different solution or path, which meant I was experiencing FoBO.

Satisficers will just move on and optimize for the present and the future, while maximizers tend to dwell more on the past and continue to imagine potential scenarios well after the decision is made.

• Secret goals versus just trying things out

Announcing my goals was a great way to commit to them and to set my mind on a specific option. I sometimes stopped myself from publicly sharing my goals to avoid feeling forced into what seemed like a premature decision and to keep my options open.

Should you do anything?

Some days were like a ping-pong game between waiting for the better option or trying to be in the loop of all the activities. The FoMO vs. FoBO battle usually resulted in its third form: FoDA (Fear of Doing Anything). If you're stuck, afraid to make a change, or so burned out that the idea of changing feels too difficult, you might be experiencing it.

People generally despise change due to its uncomfortable and uncertain nature. However, change is an inevitable aspect of human existence. We all age, witness the transformation of our children and eventually meet our demise. Moreover, the rate of change is rapidly accelerating. Most individuals will switch jobs at least a dozen times during their lifetimes. In the technology sector, employee turnover is exceptionally high, with the average tech worker at prestigious companies such as Google, Facebook, and Uber departing around their second anniversary. If you fear venturing into new experiences, you will struggle in our modern economy.

The light – even for too many tunnels

I can share a few ideas that might work for all the fears outlined above. These are imperfect, and you can probably only use one at a time when trying them out, so have patience.

• Flip a coin for small decisions. Yeah, what's the worst it can happen? See that doing stuff, even if not perfect or correct, can create some great further opportunities.
• Try observing your actions. Are you experiencing FoMO/BO/DA? Knowing if something affects you is the first step to growing out of it.
• Use a decision framework. There are many resources online for this, but I think the most critical thing is using decision journals (from Eudaimonia Templates).
• If you can, take a sabbatical: extended leave from routine work for a purpose. It's not always economically possible (but usually more feasible than you initially imagined), but one month can be enough. I had the luck to take two one-month sabbaticals with a two-year break between them, and I became a better person.
• Remove the unnecessary thoughts so that you have space to think. Journaling, meditation, and physical activity are great ways to start this process.
• Digital & social media detox. Quirky Reminder: February has some ideas.
• It is ok to have lists of things to do/read/listen/watch – pick the last item added and do it.

So in summary

Here is a poem

In a world that's always racing,
FOMO's got us all-embracing
Every plan and flashy light,
Chasing dreams into the night.

But here's a twist to set you free:
JOMO's where you want to be.
Picture this: a quiet night,
Book in hand, no fear in sight.

Skip the party, miss the show,
Embrace the joy of saying "no."
Peace and quiet, thoughts of your own,
In the stillness, you have grown.

So when FOMO starts to shout,
Laugh and let yourself opt-out.
The joy of missing out is sweet,
Life’s best moments at your feet.